It’s been sort of weird day for me. It was honestly just like any other day at work for a while, only I wouldn’t be coming back again. Ever. But then people started with their tearful goodbyes, and I got gifts from the department, got taken out for lunch… and the thing is, I think I always underestimate the impact I have on people. I think no one notices me, and then this happens, and it turns out I was there all along..
It’ll be strange, being gone from [ company name redacted ]. I was there for over four and a half years, which is by far the longest I’ve ever been in one job. I am one with my generation. I kept having absurd thoughts as I went around the building today: This is the last time I will walk this route. This is the last time I will do a deletion request. This is the last time I will write reports.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL BUY SMARTIES FROM THE VENDING MACHINE.
And then I totally got hammered at lunch and had to go back to work for the rest of the afternoon and have my coworkers ask me if I had a good time going out for “coffee”. And yes, they actually made the finger quotes.
I love company-endorsed drunkenness.
So, I’m done. And god, right this second? I’m so looking forward to my free summer.
Counting down the days to my imminent layoff is kind of depressing (2. TWO.) but it’s still a little exciting, too. I can do anything now. Theoretically. In reality I’ll probably spend the next two months unemployed and fucking around on the internet and then take the first job I’m qualified to do. But in theory, IN THEORY, I can spend the next couple of months getting my shit together and figuring out what I really want to do. Which you’d think I would’ve done by now, but… well, figuring your shit out isn’t an event, it’s a process.
When the highlight of my day was listening to a sketchy cellcast of a concert on the other side of the country, well, that probably is a little more revealing about the rest of my day than I’d like. But still, I got about a thousand words written, and while that’s well below average, it’s a lot more than nothing.
I’ll probably delete it tomorrow. But that’s okay.
This afternoon I had the vague memory of waking up to hearing people screaming, but I couldn’t remember whether this was something I had dreamed or something that had actually happened. The truth, as always, is somewhere in between. I did wake up (twice) to a screeching sound outside my window. But it wasn’t someone screaming, it was the sound of raccoons fighting, something that is more easily distinguishable when I’m fully awake than when I’m half asleep.
I feel like I should apologise for the lack of updates, but everything I could’ve been talking about for the past month I haven’t really wanted to. Blogging isn’t therapy, and there are some things that are nobody’s business but my own. There is one issue that has, in some senses, resolved itself though. While technically I’ve been laid off with the rest of my department, I’ve also been rehired into the same job (details pending). Which I have mixed feelings about, but I’m not in any position to be turning down a paycheque right now.