Strangely Socialised

Almost twenty-four hours later and I still can’t quite believe this went down the way it did. I think I may be emotionally ready to write it now, though.

My favourite part of the show is still seeing Kris at the beginning of every episode. I’m not living in the past, I just don’t have a favourite thing this season. (And this was said before I found out how this episode was going to turn out.)

Also, they went there. I knew they were not going to let the ‘Randy in a bikini’ thing go, not once it was said and the image was loose in the universe, but did they have to paste Randy’s head on bikini boy’s body? Really?

At first I think the group sing is competent enough that it isn’t making me want to turn it off. I am forced to eat my words less than thirty second later. But at least I’m able to identify a couple of voices this time (Alex Lambert in particular), rather than listening to something that could’ve been sung by any group of people and a lot of autotune.

They then announce what we already know because we know how to use the internet—that next week’s theme is The Rolling Stones. And apparently we’ll be able to hear some of the potential song selections ahead of time? I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I’m as capable of using youtube as the next person. On the other, I kind of like the illusion that they aren’t hamstrung in terms of their song choice.

But now to the meat of the episode: filling the twelve stools that will comprise the so-called Top 12. One by one they’re called forward for final judgement.

Didi – is in. (Okay, good, because I was worried.)
Siobhan – is in. (As if there was any doubt.)
Paige – is in. (Now there’s a surprise.)
Katelyn – is out. (Whoa, hold up. Are you kidding me?)

I so did not call that. She does her sing-out without a keyboard in front of her this time, and it’s actually better than the first time. Everyone looks so sad and betrayed, and I know they know that someone goes home every week and this was not Katelyn’s week, but this show is such an emotional wringer. Oh Lilly, don’t cry!

When we come back, we switch to a group of boys.

Casey – is in. (Not a huge surprise there.)
Tim – is in. (The fucker made it. Ugh. Stop voting based on looks!)
Lee – is in. (The only surprise is that they made it seem like he was in danger.)
Todrick – is out. (Well, yeah, I’m not surprised. Though he deserved it in previous weeks more than this one.)

My feed cuts out in the middle of Todrick’s performance, like the Internet itself is trying to save me from it.

And now for the highlight of the evening! Which of course is the return of more Season 8 alumni—Matt Giraud and Scott McIntyre doing Billy Joel on duelling pianos. PLEASE COME BACK SEASON EIGHT.

But then we face the rest of the last eight, a mixed group of boys and girls, perhaps to prepare us for the fact that yes, despite the weird separation in the semi-finals they will in fact be competing against one another.

Crystal – is in. (She looks so upset and stressed, they’re some speculation that she’s still ill.)
Mike – is in. (Well, yes.)
Lacey – is in. (Oh dear. Well, maybe she’ll cling to the next couple of weeks.)
Aaron – is in. (Fuck me blue, but he tanked so hard this wee!)

The remaining contestants are addressed in pairs, Lilly against Katie and Alex against Andrew. I have a very bad feeling about this.

Andrew – is in. (Now let’s hear you earn it, man.)
Alex – is out. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING, AMERICA?)

Siobhan is weeping during his sing-out, but then, aren’t we all? Alex is better than at least three quarters of the top twelve. I’m in shock. What the actual fuck?

Katie – is in. (Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)
Lilly – is out. (I don’t understand. Did that just happen? One of the legitimate frontrunners just didn’t make the top twelve? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.)

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, AMERICA?

Nobody looks happy right now, which considering they just made the top twelve, says a lot. Lilly is baffled but classy in her exit. Crystal looks so fucking pissed off. Crystal speaks for me, yo.

I’ll be honest, I’m kind of tempted to give up on this venture now. When you’re looking forward to people getting voted off more than you’re looking for the two or three decent remaining contestants to do well, there’s something wrong. I guess people got what they voted for, though. I don’t know what you’re going to do with it, America, but you got it.

I think now this probably is the last season for AI.

They try to do a serious shot of the guys as they introduce them at the start of the show, but none of them seem to be able to keep a straight face but Todrick. I kind of like them more for that. I mean, if you take all of this melodrama seriously, you’re just going to drive yourselves nuts.

That said, they should probably practice a little, because at the end of this season someone’s going to have to say “I’m going to Disney World” and look like they mean it if they want a sweet hunk of cash.

There’s an ongoing thing the whole show about Simon not knowing what a “binky” is. Yeah, that’s an almost exclusively American term. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? If I hadn’t been in fandom with Americans for many, many years I wouldn’t have known either.

Lee Dewyze kicks things off singing Owl City’s “Fireflies” and oh my god, Lee, what’s with the terrible and generic song choices you keep making? If you sing Nickelback next week, I’m disowning you. [ Spoiler: next week's theme is not, mercifully, The Songs of Nickelback ] I do like listening to the guy sing, but I’d like to hear him sing something good.

Randy thinks he made the song his own, and all I can think is, why would he want to? Generally they’re all liking it, in a kind of a generic way, but Simon at least says he thinks Lee’s better than that.

Alex Lambert sings “Trouble” by Ray LaMontagne, and I’ll be honest, I think Alex is growing (or as Ellen would put it “ripening”) very nicely, but I had concerns that he just didn’t have the experience to pull off this song. That said, though, I think he sounds great on it, and he might be this young and innocent guy but when he sings this you feel. He’s really going to be something to see when he finishes growing into himself.

The judges want him to loosen up more on stage, but they love his voice, which is a pretty fair assessment all in all. Ellen is still on her banana metaphor, but she’s on board with me that he’s just consistently getting better and better each week.

Tim Urban, this season’s cockroach, sings Jeff Buckley’s version of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and I am utterly horrified that someone has allowed him to sing this song. The worst thing is, he’s not terrible. He’s just not good. He’s singing well within his limited range and it’s just okay, there are no dynamics to it and I don’t feel a connection. This is not a song you can sing without a connection. You don’t have to have the best voice in the world—hell, just look at Leonard Cohen—but you’ve got to get it.

The judges, inexplicably, lap it up. Ellen gets up on stage and hugs him. My god, are you serious right now? Actually, it’s not inexplicable. Compared to his previous performances, that must have sounded like genius.

I’m actually angry at the judges reaction here, which okay, maybe is a little irrational. But this guy should’ve been gone the past two weeks. I’m resentful he’s still singing at all, let alone a song that I feel so connected to. (It’s a Canadian thing.)

Andrew Garcia sings next with “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera. When I heard he was singing Christina I thought he was for sure doing “Beautiful” and I was actually looking forward to it because I was imagining something like Elvis Costello’s cover. His Genie, though, is just awkward. It’s competent, and he does his thing, but I really don’t want to hear Andrew Garcia singing about us rubbing him in any way, much less the right way.

He’s obviously trying to recapture “Straight Up”, and the way the judges won’t let it go I can’t blame him, but it’s becoming more and more evident that he just does the one thing well, and mining another magical moment from rearranging all of his songs in the same way is going to be a hard sell.

Randy thinks it was a good idea that didn’t quite work—I question the “good idea” part of that—but then he talks relevantly about how the song doesn’t have a lot of range. Simon said it was a bit desperate, which it was, but again, it’s easy to see why he’d go that route trying to recapture what they saw in him in Hollywood.

Naked Casey Casey James sings “You’ll Think of Me” by Keith Urban, and I just really like watching him perform and listening to him play. There’s something just inherently musical about this guy. Of all of them—or of all of the guys, anyway—he’s the one I can see doing this all the time, even when he’s not on the Idol stage.

Randy thinks he was very good but it was a safe choice—which I think is what they’re all thinking—and I agree. But he did it well, and that counts for a lot too. I want to see him take some chances too, but after last week I think he just wanted to get up there and sing something well to remind everyone that he can.

And I honestly think that Kara got a huge, huge talking-to about the Casey James situation, because there’s been pretty much no hint of it the past couple of weeks, and it’s just not like them to let something like that go without a fight.

Aaron Kelly sings Lonestar’s “I’m Already There” and he sings it badly. Like, train wreck badly. I’ve never pretended I didn’t think this guy was kind of fake and a little out of his league, but I always felt like he would do decently if he followed in the country vein. After this, though, maybe I was wrong about that, because he was weak and shaky and off-key throughout the whole thing.

The judges are so mixed on this performance. It’s really good, it’s not terrific, it’s too much song, it’s the right song, and so on. Kara talks about how the theme of the song is not relevant to a sixteen-year-old’s life at all, making it difficult to connect with, and although Simon makes the argument that you don’t need to relate to the song to emotionally connect to it, I think Kara has the right point here. It was just not the right choice for him, and he did not do it well. Two strikes.

Hoo boy. So Todrick Hall tackles Queen, “Somebody to Love”, and I brace myself for an absolute disaster. I brace myself for sacrilege. And…it wasn’t terrible. He actually sang the song. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t really enjoy it, and if you’re going to sing the song mostly straight like that then you’re going to be compared unfavorably to Freddie (which is the danger of choosing this song in the first place, it’s kind of no win), but it wasn’t a complete disaster. I think the judges are going to love it.

Sadly, I’m right.

They thought it was great singing and a brave choice. Simon calls him out as a Broadway singer (which in this case I think it wouldn’t have been an insult at all if he hadn’t followed it up with “and not a recording artist), but says at least he made an attempt to do something with it.

And to close things we have Michael Lynche singing “This Woman’s Work”, originally by Kate Bush. I’m so not happy with this song choice, which seems like such a manipulative choice after what he sang last week. I understand the choice, but I don’t like it. He can sing, make no mistake, but I’m just not happy. I don’t feel like I can be completely objective. Also, I think his falsetto is kind of unpleasant.

But the judges, holy shit, the judges are about ready to jizz all over him. Kara. Is. Crying. Simon calls it the best performance on the live shows so far.

To be fair, there hasn’t been a lot of competition so far, but I still kind of want some of whatever they’re on because that’s some hardcore shit.

So the boys, from best to worst: Casey James, Alex Lambert, Michael Lynche, Lee Dewyze, Tim Urban, Andrew Garcia, Todrick Hall, Aaron Kelly.

So like the girls, logically it would be Todrick and Aaron going home, but I feel like maybe Andrew’s time is up. I’m going to guess Andrew and one of those two. Let’s say Todrick, even though I’d actually prefer Aaron.

Up until now, the introduction of the contestants at the start of every show has been a friendly, frivolous affair, but today, for the top eight girls, it’s apparently srs bsns with not a smile in sight. Equally srs bsns is the fact that the show tonight is only one hour instead of two, which I hope will mean more singing and fewer…well, everything else.

There’s some kind of Ellen and Simon making out segment which I think is gross and not okay and I completely ignored. And from there we leap straight into the performances because with eight performances in one hour the show isn’t grotesquely bloated tonight.

Katie Stevens is up first and I actually miss the first few seconds of her performance because there’s no opening segment whatsoever. Yay on both counts! She’s singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway” and she’s off-key and off-tempo and eyefucking the camera in a totally and completely inappropriate way. Don’t eyefuck the camera, Katie Stevens. Oh, that was just not good.

Randy said it paled in comparison to Kelly, which is truly an understatement, and they all chime in that, while at least it was younger, it still wasn’t a great song choice and she didn’t do great things with it. Simon says “You kind of sucked…the energy out of it,” and there probably weren’t a lot of people who didn’t think he could’ve stopped at “sucked”.

Siobhan Magnus sings “House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals, and thus wrests away the last of my heart that still belonged to Janell Wheeler. It could have been a sappy moment when she said she was singing it for her dad because she grew up listening to him do it, but it was just kind of nice and awesome and her dad looks a little badass too, I have to add.

She starts the song a capella and I’m blown away again by the sheer control she has over her voice. She doesn’t have to strain or reach for any of her notes, she just nails them, even when she’s making huge jumps. I just love her. I know I though she looked like a tool in the Hollywood rounds, but that feels like a long time ago now. I get it. She’s awesome.

Everyone loves it but Simon, who thinks it was weird. Because Simon, for all his lip service, doesn’t like things that are different or take chances or come out of the box that he puts commercial music in in his head.

Lacey Brown sings Brandi Carlisle’s “The Story”, and it’s wavery and weak, which I get is her style because it conveys a kind of vulnerability, but conveying that requires connecting to the song and I just did not get that from her at all. She kept smiling slyly at the camera and it just felt all kinds of inappropriate for the song she was singing.

The judges, however, all love it and think it was her best performance in a long time. Even Simon liked it. And this is the benefit of being an absolute train wreck on stage and managing to stick around for another week—anything you do is going to look good in comparison.

Katelyn Epperly sings “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King, and it’s not that I don’t like it, but it’s just so average. And it’s already too late in the game to be average. Having her hands on a keyboard seems to be her comfort zone, and I’m more comfortable myself with her camera interaction than last week, but…meh.

Randy agrees that there was nothing special about it, and Ellen doesn’t feel like any of it was enough to wow people. Kara sums it up best when she says that it felt like she was going through the motions on stage and not trying to win this thing. It was…competent. And that’s almost worse than bad.

Didi Benami sings Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon” and oh, I was concerned about this song choice. I was oh, so concerned. She’s finally back on her guitar, though, and she’s comfortable and into the song and it’s so good. I love how she makes it sound so current. Not that I don’t love the song as is, but this arrangement is just lovely.

Kara is the one who loves this and thinks it’s one of her favourite moments so far this season, and Simon agrees with her. It was a wow. It was a big “wow”. So suck it Randy, the only dissenter.

Paige Miles sings “Smile” by Charlie Chaplin (no, really, it is), and this is such a polarizing performance, wow. I write these reactions after having participated in a group chat during each show and often reading other people’s responses if I don’t manage to get it written up from my notes right away, and reactions ranged from the worst performance of the semifinals to the best performance of the semifinals. No joke.

I was really unsure of her vocal on this, but really felt like she was connecting with the song, because she wasn’t smiling. Ellen tried to tell us it was an uplifting song, but when you listen to it, it doesn’t have to be that. It can be absolutely wrenching, and that’s what Paige does with it. Now, I’m not sure she did it particularly well, and I felt that the song really didn’t showcase her voice, but her interpretation was a hundred percent valid for me and I felt like she really conveyed that.

The judges just don’t get it, they say it was all wrong, that it was too big for her, that she blew her shot tonight and made bad decisions. And I just don’t think they’re right about that, there was an emotional rawness to what she did that’s going to count for something.

Crystal Bowersox sings “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman, and I don’t care if this is a predictable choice for her because it’s a good choice. She plays the electric guitar and she just rocks it, not just because she can both sing and play well but because she gets the dynamics of the song, she shapes it perfectly.

Randy loved everything about it. Ditto Ellen. Ditto Kara. Ditto Simon. And yeah, I get people who think the pimping of her is a bit much, but she’s good.

Lilly Scott sings “I Fall to Pieces” by Patsy Cline on the mandolin, of all things, but it works. She is filling this “quirky” slot on the show this season, but she’s got this really interesting quality to her voice. I’m not in love with this, but it’s interesting, and compared to so much of the boring we see on this show, I’m into that.

The judges loved it more than I did, though Simon thought it didn’t have the “wow” factor. And he acknowledges, more or less, that the last singer is the pimp slot and they expect a “wow” from it.

Eeeeenteresting.

Since I did this chronologically this week (yeah, still feeling my way here, maybe I’ll settle on something by the time the top twelve starts next week), my best to worst is: Siobhan Magnus, Crystal Bowersox, Didi Benami, Lilly Scott, Paige Miles, Lacey Brown, Katelyn Epperly, Katie Stevens.

Logically, this means that we’re going to lose Katie and Katelyn, but I think it’s going to be Paige and Lacey. If I’m very lucky, one of those two will be replaced with Katie.

So tonight four more dreams hit the chopping block. I went one for four guesses last week, so let’s see if I’ve gotten any better at prognosticating in the meantime. I mean, I don’t want to have sacrificed those chickens for nothing. Though they were delicious.

Simon says that he changed his mind about one of the contestants he praised after watching the show back again, and thought she was actually atrocious. Welcome to our world. Half the time we want to know what shit you judges are on and whether you paid street value for it.

The weekly lip sync is painfully autotuned. Seriously, twenty people, not one bum note? We’ve heard these people sing for weeks now. I hope they don’t think we’re actually buying it. I love that the contestants all seem so over it already. Like “yeah, we know we look like tools right now and we’re not even going to pretend to be singing, just go with it, all right?” Naked Casey especially. Naked Casey looks like he’s in on a particularly funny joke every time he does one of these.

So right down to business.

Tim Urban – safe (Undeserved, but unsurprising.)
Todrick – is left to hang before being pronounced safe
Michael – safe (Deservedly.)
Casey – safe (Yay Naked Casey!)
John – out (Undeserved, but unsurprising.)

I hate that I called this one, because out of the entire twenty Tim is by far the weakest link, but people are voting for him because he’s hot. Really, I’m going to bow to the master here and tell them all: if you want to look at hot guys try google. You don’t need to vote for them in a weekly singing competition.

John does his sing-out and I’m not denying the guy has shit musical instincts, but I feel like given just a couple more weeks he would’ve hit his stride. America, you suck.

Then, for the second half.

Lee – safe (Of course.)
Aaron – safe (Of course. Sigh.)
Alex – safe (Yay! I know, I’m still as surprised as you are.)
Andrew – bottom two and center stage, but safe (Surprise!)
Jermaine – out (Thank the sweet baby Jesus! I knew you were on our side.)

I muted his sing-out. I’m not a bad person, I just have eardrums to think about.

I refuse to recap Danny Gokey singing. I refuse to even watch it. Danny Gokey has burned his bridges with me, my friends. Ryan announces him as having “stolen America’s hearts.” For what, to perform dark rituals with them? Because that’s the only meaning of that phrase in connection with Danny Gokey that makes any sense to me.

Apparently he’s gross in his interview and celebrates the death of someone else’s wife. This, however, is hearsay because I refused to watch that, too.

I return to you with the girls!

Lilly – safe (Naturally.)
Paige – safe (Okay, good, because she didn’t deserve to go out on that.)
Katie – safe (Sadly unsurprising.)
Didi – stuck in the bottom two, but ultimately safe (I don’t get this. She’s not my fave, but she’s getting some weirdly harsh crit.)
Michelle – out (Undeserved, but unsurprising.)

Michelle deserved better than that, but then again she sang Creed and made it even worse. There is apparently no forgiving that. And at this point I am three for three. Just sayin’. At this point it occurred to me that meant I would have to listen to Creed again, and I muted the sound. Again.

I know, I know, no pain, no gain. I’m new to this recapping business; I need to build up my aural muscles to be able to endure it.

Fourth verse, same as the first.

Katelyn – safe (For once, I’m happy about this.)
Crystal – safe (Big shocker.)
Siobhan – safe (Go Siobhan!!)
Haeley – out (Wait, what? Really? GOOD CALL, AMERICA.)
Lacey – at the bottom again, but safe (Just as deserving of the boot as Haeley.)

Dear readers, I took one for the team here and listened to the whole thing. And don’t get me wrong, I like Haeley. I think she’s sweet. I don’t want to be friends with her, but she’s sweet. That was, however, possibly the worst performance I’ve ever heard on this show. And remember, I sat through Scream On. I felt bad because she was just barely holding it together, though. I mean, that seemed even crueler than the usual “Hey, so we’re giving you the boot, but how about you sing again right now.”

So I went three for four this time, because I didn’t dare to dream that they would give Haeley the boot before top ten. I would’ve bet money we’d be seeing her on the tour. Should’ve been Tim/Jermaine/Lacey/Haeley, and it’s pretty damn conspicuous that they just turfed four minorities, but at least this isn’t a travesty like last week’s Joe Munoz boot. They might not’ve been the very bottom of the barrel, but they weren’t exactly holding their heads above water either, if you know what I’m saying.

I need to learn how to write these things faster. One of my many life’s goals.

Anyway! Unsurprisingly, the interview Crystal before the girls start performing – if only for about five seconds – but I’m glad to get it over with. She’s performing, she assures us she’s okay, and it’s only through rumour and – today – twitter that we learn it was a Diabetes-related problem.

Randy says the guys had fire in their eyes last night. Randy lies. Also, Vera Wang is randomly in the audience? Oh ok den.

The girls performed in the following order: Crystal Bowersox, Haeley Vaughn, Lacey Brown, Katie Stevens, Didi Benami, Michelle Delamor, Lilly Scott, Katelyn Epperly, Paige Miles, Siobhan Magnus.

As with the boys, though, here they are instead in my order of preference, worst to best:

Haeley Vaughn likes to “make things”, like the headbands she wears, and I just cannot take it. She’s so young and uninteresting, and seems to have about zero life experience. I respect a good dose of optimism because sometimes that shit’s hard, but if you can’t not smile, then you’re pretty damn sheltered.

And to make it worse, she sings Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb”. I don’t care who you are or how young and endearing you want to be, if you’re n a singing competition you don’t choose Miley Cyrus. And on top of that, she performs it so unevenly that I’d rather be listening to Miley. I’m pretty sure there was supposed to be a melody in there somewhere. The judges compare her likeability to Alex Lambert (oh no you didn’t!), but basically tell her she sucked.

Lacey Brown interviews about how she likes antiquing, and if that was meant to tell me something interesting I didn’t know about her, it failed. She’s another one I want to like more than I actually do. She seems like she should be quirky and interesting and then she’s just not.

She sings Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me”, which is a song I don’t mind, though I prefer some covers to the original, but she’s pitchy and her voice is too thin and it’s just uninteresting and not even that much fun. If nothing else, this song should be fun. (I have no idea when the word pitchy entered my vocabulary. Fuck you, Randy Jackson.) Once again Kara makes sense, says the performance brought back what was special about her voice, but she needs to push her boundaries more. She’s giving them what they want rather than showcasing herself as an artist.

Michelle Delamor interviews with Ryan about how to take the judges’ criticism. They seem to be talking about that a lot this season; maybe because, I dunno, there’s been a lot of criticism.

She sings Creed, “With Arms Wide Open”, which is the worst idea ever. Worst. Idea. Ever. She’s got a lovely voice, but she takes a terrible song and makes it boring on top of that. I don’t want to listen to a lot of weeks of this. Or any more, actually. Kara and Simon think it’s great; Randy and Ellen question it. I’m just bored.

Katie Stevens‘ interview package shows her “fans” again, and wow is that going to get old. She says she can say “give me a kiss” in six languages, but adds jokingly that she doesn’t want anyone to call her a slut for it. Sadly, that probably actually needs to be said. She seems to have no understanding of why the song last week didn’t work for her (hint: Adam Lambert killed it less than a season ago), and shows no good musical instincts.

The thing about her performance of Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On” is that it’s so generic and pageanty. And once again she makes the mistake of choosing a song that’s easily compared to a performance from last year. For me, with a fresh memory of Megan Joy’s version, it just illustrates how not special Katie’s voice is. Simon says she needs to get experience, and know who she is rather than being told. Like I said: pageanty.

Paige Miles tells us what we don’t know about her is that she likes to colour. Seriously? Seriously? I don’t even know what to say about that. On one hand, is she six? On the other hand, colour is fun. I don’t even know.

She sings Kelly Clarkson’s “Walk Away”, and she can sing but she’s no Kelly Clarkson. It’s not an easy song, though, and she’s not getting lost in it so at least there’s that. And apparently Kara wrote that song, so either Kara wrote a lot of songs or the contestants are doing a lot of sucking up this season. Simon word for word disagrees with me, telling her she did get lost in the song. And Kara makes a lot of sense again (I know!) saying that she didn’t connect with the meaning of the song at all.

Didi Benami was possibly the cutest mascot her middle school ever had, before she grew up and became a cheerleader. Her pre-performance ritual involves praying and…meowing. Well then.

She chooses “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers, and I like what she does with it, the small changes he makes to the song that showcase her voice. It’s a pretty classic arrangement, but she’s into it. The judges hate her song choice and suggest the song showed her imperfections more than it highlighted her strengths. I have no idea why they’re being this hard on Didi when they’re giving much more egregious faults a pass this season.

Katelyn Epperly is a study in why these interview packages can make a difference – hearing she was studying to be a recording engineer before auditioning for Idol makes her way more interesting to me. Her pre-performance ritual is to try to goof off, which I totally get.

She performs Coldplay’s “The Scientist” on the grand piano and it’s subdued and completely in control and I really like it. What I didn’t like was the way she looked into the camera while performing, it made me feel like she was losing connection with the song and trying too hard. The judges were mixed but they think it’s a smart choice of song. Simon says she’s a little corny when she performs, which she doesn’t get at all but if she watches the performance back I think she’ll understand.

This is a girl I didn’t even want to see in the top twelve and here she is becoming one of my favourites. Huh. Didn’t see that one coming.

Lilly Scott shows her versatility with more instruments than the six-string guitar, though I doubt we’ll be seeing them all on Idol. She feels like the judges “get” her, but they’re a fickle bunch.

She sings Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Gonna Come” which is another song from last season, but I love what she does with it. It’s a completely different arrangement and a different vibe and I’m really into it. The judges dig it too, and believe she has “it”. Which she totally does.

Crystal Bowersox interviews about her twin brother, who she sweetly calls “kind of a square” (oh, I bet you’re going to be hearing about that), and talks about how she actually did used to perform on the subway platform, where she is sure she would never actually see Simon Cowell. (Oooh, burn, editors, burn.)

She sings CCR’s “As Long as I Can See Light” and she just fucking owns it. “Girl, you can SANG” is my only note that I made as I was completely absorbed in the performance. “Authenticity” certainly is the catchphrase of the season, and the judges all believe she has it. Basically, they all thing she was awesome, and they’re right.

But Siobhan Magnus is still may favourite performance of the night. And we get to see she used to rock a mohawk, which made her look badass. Her speaking voice and style are so at odds with her performance style that it’s actually jarring.

She sings “Think” by Aretha Franklin, and you have to have big ones just to tackle an Aretha song, but Siobhan just wails it. She has such amazing control over her upper range. Just thinking about it makes me want to go watch it again. The judges mostly agree, except Simon, who says again that she is “such a strange person” and thought parts of the song were terrible but the glory note was incredible and she’s a talented singer.

Hell yes she is.

So, since Haeley isn’t going anywhere just yet (SIGH), my picks for the bottom this week are Lacey and Michelle.

I’m still experimenting to see just how I want to construct these recap/reaction posts, since chronologically isn’t doing it for me. This week, let’s try something else.

But first up, apparently Randy and Kara had to be separated at the judges’ table, like naughty schoolchildren. And thank god for that.

Because of Crystal Bowersox’s hospitalization, the boys ended up performing first, and a day earlier than expected. But as has been said by people wiser and more experienced than I, if they expect to get anywhere in music, this is the kind of thing they need to be ready for.

The boys performed in the following order: Mike Lynche, John Park, Casey James, Alex Lambert, Todrick Hall, Jermaine Sellers, Andrew Garcia, Aaron Kelly, Tim Urban, Lee Dewyze.

And now, in order of preference, worst to best (because we all desperately need something to look forward to when it comes to Idol these days)…

Tim Urban is one of ten siblings apparently, so I expect his Christmases are a lot like mine, only possibly without the gingerbread reindeer massacre. He seems to have a good attitude about his reception last week, but the fact that I like the guy doesn’t mean I want to see him singing on my television every week.

He sings Matt Nathanson’s “Come On Get Higher”, for a certain value of “sing”. I want to be completely clear that I like this guy, but when Ellen tells him she thinks he should go into acting, that pretty much sums it up. It was better than last week, but a howler monkey would have been better than last week so that isn’t saying much.

Jermaine Sellers likes to hang out in a onesie, and that might be my favourite thing about him. I was honestly cracking up during his entire interview both before and after the performance, because he is so incredibly full of himself that it’s entertaining. He thinks God is going to push him through to the next level. I think God has better things to do and he should work on developing some actual talent.

He sings “What’s Going on” by Marvin Gaye, and he manages to find the key once in a while, but that’s the best thing I can say about it. Kara offers the useful advice that he needs to look at the meaning of the song and connect with it, which is advice that about ninety percent of contestants can use. When she’s not being completely gross, Kara is actually offering a lot of useful critique so far this season. My world is askew.

Much as I want to beg people not to vote for Tim Urban for the cute factor, I need to not hope that Jermaine sticks around for the lulz factor alone, since I sure as hell don’t want to hear him sing anymore.

John Park is a member of a college a capella group called “Purple Haze”, and grew up speaking Korean, only beginning to learn English in the fourth grade when they moved back to Chicago. See, that’s the sort of thing that’s actually interesting to learn about a person; some of these interview packages are so dull.

He sings John Mayer’s “Gravity” and it’s…adequate. At best. I want to like John Park. I like his voice and I think he has potential, but he’s completely fallen apart in the semi-finals. (Once again, though, we get a shot of Casey and he’s totally grooving on the other contestants’ songs.) Basically, the judges think it wasn’t anything special and want to see him take some chances. And yes, if you’re going to go out, go out big, not boring.

Todrick Hall let’s us see some of his ballet dancing as a kid, which is presh. He invokes The Abdul when talking about infusing dancing with singing, so he’d better bring it.

He performs “What’s Love Got To Do With It” by Tina Turner and it’s so shaky my computer’s vibrating. This is a song that requires some power, if he’s going to use this kind of arrangement, and he’s not singing it with any power. Or conviction. Or melody. Ellen says he should use his strengths and dance if he’s a dancer, which is not as damning as telling Tim Urban he should dance, but it’s up there. Simon just thinks he shouldn’t sing, because he is a sensible man not at all prone to hyperbole.

Aaron Kelly is an amateur photographer and sets himself up as something of an outsider and a loner. He talks about how the camera doesn’t lie, which is actually a decent segue into reviewing his performance from last week.

He chooses to sing “My Girl” by the Temptations, which I actually think is a better song choices than the judges do, except that he doesn’t do anything contemporary with it. I’m firmly convinced this kid is going to go the country route if he sticks around in the competition, which I think he will because he has a fan base even if I’m not one of them.

Kara actually compares him to Bieber, so the Fetus 2.0 name is now going to stick forever. I think it’s a fair comparison, and no, that’s not a compliment. He’s competent and I don’t hate his voice, I just have been given no reason to be interested in him.

Except, except, when he hedges when asked whether or not he likes Bieber. I mean, how could that not win me over, if only for a few moments?

Casey James apparently grew up without a television, so he had to make his own fun. He also bought and restored his own little house, which is cool. As for his preshow ritual, which he will not disclose, I say only: “What’s in the box?!”

He inexplicably sings Gavin Degraw “I Don’t Wanna Be”, despite its many previous appearances on the show, and he rips it up on the guitar but his voice gets lost. It was a performance, though, which is more than I can say about a lot of what goes on on that stage at this point. And for once Kara isn’t completely gross about him – and make no mistake, Kara’s behaviour is what’s gross – but instead says the performance is two steps back for him. Mostly they disagree with me on the strength of his performance, but agree about the lack of strength in his voice this time.

Andrew Garcia is…a breakdancer? Okay, didn’t see that one coming. He talks about being free and having fun with what he’s doing and then…doesn’t.

He sings James Morrison’s “You Give Me Something” sans guitar, which I think was a mistake. I’m not trying to stick him in a box here, but he’s awkward and not into it and completely not doing what he’s best at. The judges argue that he set the bar so high that it’s hard to live up to, and Straight Up was, in fact, a memorable performance, but that’s not the only reason he’s not measuring up right now. It just makes it more disappointing because we know he can do better.

Lee Dewyze was apparently a real troublemaker as a kid, and “made some bad decisions”, as he puts it, but he credits one of his teachers with inspiring him to be better than that. Interestingly, he’s more critical of his previous performance than Simon was (who bafflingly called it the best of all the boys).

But then he goes and sings Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel” which is not a song I love. He enters the stage rather than just standing or sitting there and I think he looks pretty comfortable even without his guitar. He stays mostly on pitch, though he loses it sometimes, but mostly I’m just feeling it. I like it. I think the Nickleback comparisons are unfair at this point because they’re derided, not for the voice of their lead singer, but for the crap generic songs that they put out.

Of course, if he continues to choose crap songs, all bets are off, but for now I like his voice and I like him.

Simon still thinks he hung the fucking moon, but overall the judges think he’s good and commercial but has room for improvement as he believes in himself more.

Mike Lynche was a theatre geek and a football player at a performing arts high school, one of which is more surprising than the other. Can you guess which?

He sings “This is a Man’s World” by James Brown, a song I loathe, but I can deny that Mike is on tonight. His vocals are dead on. I have a hard time seeing him winning, but this should keep him around. And the judges eat it up. As the first performance of the night, it sets the standard.

Alex Lambert – yes, Alex Lambert is at the top of my list tonight, I’m as surprised as you are – talks endearingly about his stage fright in his interview package. He also talks about a language he made up as a kid, which is completely dorky and equally endearing it. Endearing doesn’t win me over, though (see: Tim Urban).

He sings “Everybody Knows” by John Legend, and definitely looks more comfortable than last week. There’s just something about his voice that I love, even though he doesn’t seem to know quite what to do with it yet. It wasn’t the best vocal of the night, and it wasn’t the best stage presence, or the best package, but somehow he brought everything together to make the best overall impression of the night, for me.

The judges talk about his vast improvement and say they look forward to his future development, he just needs to work on his confidence. Agreed.

So that was an improvement over last week, if still a little dismal. According to this Tim Urban and Jermaine Sellers should go, but I have a feeling we’re going to lose John Park. I guess we’ll find out tonight.

Our first results show of the new season, and we’re turfing four people. Well, this should be a fun bloodbath. Blah blah blah, we begin with a recap of the judges’ comments as though I didn’t just watch them life last night.

[I'm excited just hearing them announce Kris and Allison are performing!]

Ryan mentions that the buzz of the nation is that Simon is meaner than usual. Simon says “It’s not the buzz of the nation, it’s just a couple of people’s thoughts” which is so fucking true. Thank you, Simon. I hate manufactured drama.

The top 24 perform American Boy, and it’s not terrible and thus must be lip synched. I’m watching on a stream so there’s no way I can see their lips, and everything is a little off-sync anyway, but they does not in any way sound live.

And quickly we get to the eliminations, with the girls going first. Since all Ryan’s comments are just recaps, I have no interest in repeating them. Thus, in the order they’re announced:

Siobhan Magnus = safe
Haeley Vaughn = safe
Michelle Delamor = safe
Katelyn Epperly = safe
Katie Stevens = safe
Janell Wheeler = out

And basically? Fuck you, America. Sigh. She wasn’t stellar, but no way was she the worst up there. She sings out and it’s…fine. Seriously, she was middle of the pack. It wasn’t her time. But honestly, if she didn’t pick it up she wasn’t going to make it to the top twelve anyway.

ALLISON IRAHETA! Sings “Scars”, which is her next single (yay!) and basically shows all the girls how it’s done. She’s so much more comfortable interviewing afterwards, too. Girl is going to do amazing things.

And then the second half of the girls:

Paige Miles = safe
Lacey Brown = safe
Lilly Scott = safe
Crystal Bowersox = safe
Ashley Rodriguez = out
Didi Benami = safe

At least that one was the right call, though I can name at least two others off the top of my head who were worse on Tuesday night.

But then she sings and it’s totally clear it was the right call. Tbe fair it’s gotta be rough to sing out after you’re eliminated, but you’ve gotta remember that’s the last impression you’re ever going to get on the Idol stage. Bring it.

We get a clip of Tyler showing up to rehearsal in boots and his spa robe to be “comfortable”, thinking there would be wardrobe. Not so much. I honestly can’t tell if that was staged or not, because it totally seems like the kind of thing he would do.

Then we proceed to the eliminations (and honestly, if anyone did anything interesting during these eliminations I would say so, but they’re all pretty much deeer in the headlights):

Mike Lynche = safe
John Park = safe
Aaron Kelly = safe
Todrick Hall = safe
Tim Urban = safe (for fuck’s sake, people, don’t vote just because they’re cute)
Joe Muñoz = out

Oh hell no, that is not right. He was screwed by being invisible prior to the semis; he needed to pull something spectacular out of his ass just to get noticed. He was one of the best last night.

But I’m not sad for very long because Kris is up next! Ryan announces that April 21 will be Idol Gives back, and then talks to Kris about his recent trip to Haiti. Kris looks good. I’m shallow. (Though, in my defense, I’m super up to date on all the Kris news and have seen all the articles, pictures and videos of his Haiti trip already.)

With Kris on guitar and Cale (Mills, from Kris’s band) on piano, they do Let It Be and it’s just amazing and gorgeous and heartbreaking. (It’ll be available on iTunes tomorrow, and all proceeds to to the UN Fund for Haiti.) I still feel a little weepy thinking of that performance.

But, then we’re back to business with the rest of the guys:

Casey James = safe
Jermaine Sellers = safe
Lee Dewyze = safe
Andrew Garcia = safe
Alex Lambert = safe
Tyler Grady = out

Wait, what? Really? Now there’s a shocker. He wasn’t the best last night but he sure as hell wasn’t the worst. And at least he was entertaining.

So basically, the best thing about tonight was Kris and Allison and Cale, and I really miss Season 8.

Unsurprisingly, I’m a little less excited for the show tonight, after last night’s appalling showing. But I remain hopeful! Against all sense and reason.

Ryan introduces Simon “missing a button” Cowell. Thanks for noticing, Ryan. Randy says the girls “blew it out” last night. I think he meant to say the girls blew last night. Blah blah blah they need to control their nerves, thank you for stating the obvious to all involved. Ellen does talk about how the performances sound very different live than at home, which we all know but it’s interesting to hear someone straight up acknowledge.

Todrick Hall interviews that other people are recording and singing the song he wrote for Idol. Which may be true, but it’s no Pants on the Ground.

He sings Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone”, or at least that’s what we’re told, because it bears no real resemblance to the original song. I’m all for changing songs up, but he practically rewrote this one, which is no unforgivable sin in and of itself, but it gets more and more off-key as he goes.

Ellen calls out the shaky chorus but says changing it up like that is what we’re looking for (and frankly something we saw way too little of last night. The other three agree that he didn’t change it up in a good way, Simon going so far as to say that what he just did was stupid. So apparently this guy is meant to be fodder.

Aaron Kelly gets to talk again about how he lost the lyrics in his final Hollywood performance, but they finally just “came to him.” And much as I hate to be reminded how he got through in spite of a couple of epic screw-ups, at least they’re talking about the competition and not his backstory.

He sings “Here Comes Goodbye” by Rascal Flatts with a real country vibe, and I have to be honest, it’s better than I was expecting it to be. But then, my expectations were not exactly high. He’s clearly nervous as hell and he smiles in relief when he actually reaches the end of the song without self-destructing, but I feel like if he sticks with this style of music and actual develops some kind of stage presence, he could stick around.

Simon thought it was quite good “bearing in mind it’s the first live performance”, but says he needs more confidence. And basically, yes. That sums up the entire reaction from the judges.

Jermaine Sellers is basically being thrown under the bus by the producers, and I have no idea why the let him through in the first place. Controversy? They recap his diss of the band during Hollywood week, and after his performance when asked about apologizing to Michael he says, “Who’s Michael?” If you survive this week, Jermaine, prepare to be fucked over by the band for the rest of time.

He sings, for a certain value of “sings”, Oleta Adam’s “Get Here” and starts out what’s obviously meant to be soft, but is also weak and off key. I think it needs to pick up if anyone’s going to remember it, but once it does it’s actually painful to me to listen to this. I don’t even know what else to say about it.

Ellen says he was pushing a little too much, and a couple of times he went “out and off”. (A couple of times?) Randy just wants him to pull it back and actually sing, which would have been nice, and Kara adds that he should make his runs meaningful rather than just throwing them out there everywhere. Which, frankly, is good advice to a lot of people who I wish would cut that shit out. Simon sums it all up when he says he thinks he’s blown his opportunity.

Tim Urban gets to finally tell the story about getting into the top twenty-four after being cut. Or at least a small part of the story. The part that can be summed up by “I was cut, and then they called and asked me to be in the top twenty-four after all.”

He sings “Apologize” by OneRepublic, which is a completely inconceivable song choice considering he has no falsetto. He seems like a super nice guy, but a super nice guy who just cannot sing in key. It’s so bad that I feel bad for him.

Simon says he thinks cutting him was the right decision. I – and I think most people listening – agree. Ellen says repeatedly that he’s adorable, which is just another variation on “At least you’re cute, because you can’t sing.”

Joe Muñoz, aka Invisible Joe, has had no exposure prior to this moment. Which as we know from last year, is not a deal breaker. He says he’s worried about nerves, which would worry me except that almost every single person this year is being fucked over by nerves so he’s in good company.

He sings “You And I Both” by Jason Mraz, and he sounds pretty good, but I’m unsure that this song choice is going to make him memorable. He sings well, at least, which puts him head and shoulders above everyone else so far. I’m gonna put it out there – I like this guy. I hope he does well.

The judges agree with me, though they’re split on the song choice. He’s good, but not great yet, and Simon thinks he lacks star quality but I think he can work up to that.

Tyler Grady’s intro basically recaps that the judges love his look. We get it.

He sings “American Woman” by The Guess Who, which is a predictable but fun song choice, and he moves like Morrison as he sings it. It needed more vocally, and gets shouty in a few places, but it was all right. It really felt more like an imitation than a full-on performance, but I still enjoyed it.

Simon thinks it feels clichéd and not natural, needs to concentrate more on his vocals. Which is basically what I just said. The other judges basically agree with that, word for word.

When asked for his response to criticism, after a prolonged segment on changing up his look, Tyler says “I need that to grow” which is an A+ response, if you ask me.

Lee Dewyze interviews that he’s thankful he was able to play his guitar in Hollywood, to show what he really does, which is about all we get from that.

He performs Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” and does a passable job of it. I like the rough edge to his voice but would like to see him do something more interesting with it, and he struggles for a few of the notes. I think I want to like this more than I do.

The judges basically offer up a bunch of advice on song choice, hard rock vs. classic rock vs. pop rock, which Simon stomps on when he declares that Lee was the best of the night so far, and wants him to follow David Cook’s path in song choice by not choosing predictable songs but rearranging songs to suit his style. Best of the night? No. Should follow David Cook’s path? Absolutely.

John Park interviews that his best moment was Shania’s comments to him, which he loved watching back on TV. He’s really kind of adorable when he says he’s ready to propose and says “You think I’m joking.”

But. Then he sings “God Bless The Child” by Billie Holiday (and many, many others) and while his voice sounds lovely and I love his control, this is a terrible song choice. I understand it means something to him, but that’s not a great reason when you’re performing for a public who won’t care about that.

Simon says he doesn’t have the voice to tackle that song, which I don’t agree with, and says it doesn’t show who is his, which I do. The rest of the judges basically fall in line with this – love the voice, hate the song. Or at least, hate the song for him.

Michael Lynche once again talks about his wife in labour during Hollywood Week, because we haven’t heard enough of that. He says she wasn’t due for a whole eight days, as if eight days is a super long time in a pregnancy. Dude, if it’s only eight days away, she could basically deliver at any time. Just FYI.

He sings Maroon 5’s “This Love” which I think is a questionable song choice in a different way. It’s more contemporary, but it just doesn’t suit him, and he has a guitar with him but it seems pretty much like a prop since he only strums it a couple of times. I’m just not digging it. The rhythm is weird and it just seems off and a little amateurish.

Ellen thinks it was a great song choice and he’s bursting with personality, and the pitch problems don’t matter much because he’s so enjoyable to watch. Randy and Kara fall in line with that (good but not great) and Simon says that he seemed like the supporting act before the main act. I think I understand what he’s saying with that, a sort of “not ready for prime time” vibe with nothing unique about it, but most opening acts (on major tours anyway) are a whole lot more polished than that.

Alex Lambert makes me momentarily love him when he all but calls out Mary Powers as responsible for the disaster that was his Group Night. Which she was.

He sings “Wonderful World” by James Morrison and he’s seriously terrified, though I think he gets it a bit more under control as he goes. He’s kind of got an interesting voice, but he starts out so weak, and he’s awkward and shaky throughout. (And he has a mullet. Bad call.) We briefly get a shot from behind of Casey James when he starts up, and Casey is totally grooving on it.

Simon thought it was the most uncomfortable performance of the night. Which it kind of was, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. They basically all agree with that, and Ellen makes what is bound to become an infamous analogy when she compares him to an unripe banana. She likes bananas, but “You need to ripen.”

Alex gives props to the band afterwards, which gets another thumbs up from me.

Casey James gets to recap his Naked Casey moment yet again, and says he’s flattered by Kara’s attention, which I don’t doubt he is, but he also seems a little uncomfortable. And honestly, I feel for the guy. He might have been an agent in that original moment, by agreeing to take off his shirt, but he was in a tough position and the whole thing is just going to haunt him when he’s mostly an innocent victim in all of it.

He sings Bryan Adam’s “Heaven” which I think is a great choice, actually. He starts out with just him and his guitar, which is his comfort zone, and I worry that he’s going to lose control when it gets bigger, but he doesn’t. It’s solid.

The whole judging thing is gross, though, and they won’t let go of Kara’s alleged crush on him. Ellen says he did well, and apologizes for the judges’ antics that distracted him, and that’s the only judge I want to recap.

Afterwards Ryan says “As you know tomorrow is results and then Friday is Kara’s HR meeting. It’ll be a two hour live event.” Sometimes I love him.

And finally, Andrew Garcia describes himself as a stay-at-home dad and says music is the one thing he knows he’s good at. I hope he’s right.

Andrew sings “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy (no, really) and basically he does his thing – performs an acoustic version of the song. I don’t love it, but he’s obviously good at what he does. I guess some songs don’t lend themselves to that treatment, or maybe it just needed a different arrangement.

Simon says he was looking forward to him, but he was disappointed and that it was “Too serious, too indulgent, and not original enough.” Which, knowing what he can do, I agree with. The judges agree that “Straight Up” is probably going to carry him through – which no doubt they’re right about – but that he needs to go back to the vibe he had with that.

And that’s the top twelve boys. Likely bottom three: Jermaine Sellers, Tim Urban and Todrick Hall.

I don’t know what it is, but the show just seems so…small, this year. Like I’m watching some local talent contest instead of American Idol. Maybe we really were just all spoiled by Season 8.

Just a few minutes before the episode started, I suddenly realised that I was really excited for this show. I have no idea where that came from. Maybe because I’m watching the show live for the first time since Season Three? I don’t know.

My first thought was: Thank God there is no grand judges’ entrance! Than I remembered that they don’t start that till the move to the big stage for the top twelve, and I was sad.

They keep telling us it’s going to be a girls’ year. Don’t pretend that’s because you found more talent among the girls this year. It’s because you want it to be a girls’ year. That said, I kind of want it to be a girls’ year now because you seem to have found some interesting girls.

[ The less said about the opening clip about the judges, and Simon's faux wandering hands, the better. I get that we needed an introduction to the new judge. I get that you wanted something to break the tension of the first live show. But just say no to sexual harassment jokes. ]

Paige Miles is a pre-school teacher (awww) who seems super psyched to be on the show and even more psyched that she got to sing with Michael Jackson’s backup singers. Personality-wise I kind of like her.

Then she sings Free’s “All Right Now” and it’s a weak and shaky start that leads to a louder and off-pitch middle. Nerves are especially forgivable when you’re the first person to go and you feel like this is your first impression, but those notes were definitely not all nerves. I was not digging that at all.

Simon calls it a “wedding singer song” which about sums it up, and everyone agrees with that, but they all also talk about her big, great voice and apparently they loved her. Um, what?

Ashley Rodriguez calls Simon “quirky” in her interview, and apparently sang battlefield as her final song even knowing Simon doesn’t like it. Okay then?

Her song choice is Leona Lewis’s “Happy”, which was maybe to apologize for Battlefield, which is unfortunate because I’m pretty sure her Battlefield was better. She oversings this to the nth degree, and is shaky on the key too. (With the first two contestants sounding so off key to me, is it maybe the mix we’re hearing? I don’t know.) I am just not enjoying this at all.

Kara says she chose a “big song” and maybe should have done something different, and everyone pretty much agrees with her. If you pick a big song by a big singer, you’re going to be compared to them. Period. Simon think she’s in trouble, and I agree.

[ Is it just me or is Ryan seeming more genuine lately? I recognize he's a very talented host, but I think I just saw him connecting with something on an emotional level. My world is askew. ]

Janell Wheeler‘s intro package mostly just recaps her Hollywood journey and pretty much doesn’t tell me anything about her, which is really not what I’m looking for. If you’re going to take time for not-singing with the contestants, at least give me something interesting.

She sings “What About Love” by Heart, and I like this song a lot but it does not work for her. Again, if you’re going to take a big song like that, you need to take some chances with it and make it your own or you’re just going to be a shadow of the original. At least she’s better than the previous two (as in she’s mostly on key and has some stage presence), but it wouldn’t take a lot to be better at this point. (Also, I hate her shirt. But even a great shirt wouldn’t have overcome this performance.)

Simon thinks she lost it as she went along, though she had moments in the song, and thinks she’s going to be okay. Mostly the judges agree the song sung straight was too big for her. And Kara thinks she loses the unique quality of her voice when she sings big, which is painfully true. I just wanted her to do well. Janell!

Lilly Scott was apparently a busker who lived out of her car (which as Slezak pointed out in his liveblog, isn’t the same as living in her car). Apparently she is dedicated to being an artist, and I actually believe her when she says that.

She picks “Fixing a Hole” by the Beatles, which is a completely offbeat choice and I’m just so thankful that she’s staying true to her vibe (especially after my disappointment in Janell). There were a few suspect moments in the song, but overall I thought she did a very good job. And does anyone ever really blow us away on the first night of the semifinals?

Simon things she’s the best so far and feels she was true to herself, but he’s not feeling “star power”. How about we just focus on what people are actually doing on the stage for now, yeah? Generally, the judges liked her indie appeal.

Katelyn Epperly…is very pretty? This is another intro that tells me nothing at all about her. I wasn’t impressed coming into the semi-finals, and I’m not impressed now.

She also sings a Beatles song, “Oh! Darling”, and…well, allow me to just share my notes verbatim: “Shit. She’s actually doing pretty good, especially for tonight. She needed to bring it back a little in some places, tho. But I liked her voice in this. Fuck me blind.”

The judges are harder on her than I expected, especially after being so milk and cookies with the first two singers. Simon calls it “screamy and messy” though he likes the song choices, and Kara says she “changed it up and improved the song” (I’m sorry, what? What does that even mean, with a Beatles song?) but doesn’t like her new look.

And then we have a super inappropriate moment when – albeit teasingly, during banter with Ryan – puts the word “bitch” in Katelyn’s mouth and insists she was thinking it. Maybe she was, but that is so not okay.

Haeley Vaughn got to get her nose pierced as a reward for going to Hollywood. Really? I mean, it seems sweet, but shouldn’t parents be rewarding things like good grades and being good people, not withholding things until their child succeeds in a fairly arbitrary singing competition?

Then we have yet more Beatles with “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, which strikes me at least as an appropriate song choice for her. The thing about Haeley is, she’s getting through on sheer force of personality at this point. She has a lot of bum notes, but she’s obviously having fun with it. (And it was a nice bouncy arrangement, but it should’ve gone out with a bang and not slowed down at the end, that kind of killed it.)

Kara says her fun makes up for her lack of vocals and technical problems. Which might be true, if this were not a competition looking for a musician. Simon says it was verging on terrible, thank God, because I was starting to be afraid no one was going to say it. She does shine on stage, but she is not the vocalist they want her to be.

Lacey Brown talks again about losing out to Megan Joy in the chair episode last year and coming back to try again with a little more experience under her belt, while all the while wondering how she’d hand it if she comes in and does worse this time. She just seems so sane, it’s refreshing.

She sings Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” and I settle in for something to cleanse my palate after that horrible Taylor Swift debacle at the Grammy’s but…this does not do that. It’s not a TayTay level train wreck, but it’s rough.

Ellen says she thinks Lacey is better than that, which I think is what we’re all thinking right now. What happened? They all agreed it was the wrong song choice, and that it was dull and pitchy.

Michelle Delamor seems very thoughtful and kind in her intro, but the truth is that we know absolutely nothing about her going into this, so she’s going to have to live and die by her performance tonight.

But then Ryan announces Alicia Keys’s “Fallin’” and I am filled with fear and dread. She does fine with it, but fine is not okay with this song. You actually have to blow someone away with this one to even get noticed. Again, if you’re taking a big song by a singer with a big voice, you need to do something different or you need to stay the fuck away from it. At least she hits the notes, though.

Ellen thought it seemed easy for her, in the good way, and Simon says it was really good but not as good as the original, which is what I think is going to kill her and anyone else who tries these songs. Kara thinks she’s “commercial looking” which I always hear as “at least you’re pretty”, and that when she hits it right she’s good. But then, the same could be said about anyone. But then she adds that if she wants to fill this diva role, she needs to be immaculate. So apparently sometimes Kara says appropriate things.

Didi Benami interviews that “America’s seen enough of my tears,” and truer words have never been spoken.

She sings “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson, and it’s pretty much a note for note version of the original. I think this song is probably right in her comfort zone and she takes zero chances with it. Her voice sounds great on it, especially compared to her competition, but I’m personally let down.

Simon thinks it was dreary (but honestly I don’t think he likes this song) and agrees that it was an imitation. Kara says she changed it up (o rly? Tell me where, Kara.) and Randy says it’s missing the star factor. Ellen says something relevant, that as part of a set it was very good, but it was too low key for a first and possibly only impression. I don’t think she means that it needed to be belted or anything, just something a little bit more magnetic.

Siobhan Magnus is shown in her job as an apprentice glassblower and that is just so badass. I actually wanted to be a glassblower when I was in high school but had no idea how to get into it. /random. She doesn’t talk at all like she sings, and overenunciates to the point where I’m wondering if maybe she’s attempting to battle an accent. Also, she doesn’t know what “dark horse” means, which is kind of sad.

She performs Chris Isaac’s “Wicked Game”, and I really love this. I feel like she’s one of the first people to come in and really know how to actually shape her performance, and she had great control over her voice over her entire range.

The judges are somewhat lukewarm to good on her, generally expressing that they think she can do bigger and better, but I think that song was exactly what it needed to be.

Crystal Bowersox interviews that she’s doing this for her son, and that “Mama needs a bigger paycheck”. I know some people might be put off by that, but I respect the hell out of it. Go Mamasox!

She breaks out both her guitar and her harmonica again for Alanis Morissette’s “Hand In My Pocket” and usually I get growly at people who tackle Alanis, but she rocks the song. Seriously, she kills it. The only problem is, she does a great Alanis impression.

Simon thinks that she’s like thousands of other people outside subway stations doing the same thing, but that he likes her and thinks she’s refreshing. And generally the other judges just agree with that. He wants to see her do something more original – to which she bluntly replies that they aren’t allowed to do original songs on the show – and suggests she needs to change a different song up rather than finding songs that are already in her wheelhouse.

She clearly actually doesn’t watch the show, and her discussion with the judges is genuinely looking for feedback on her performance and trying to understand their point of view, rather than arguing with them. I worry that it’s not going to come off that way (actually, I know it isn’t for some people just based on comments I’ve seen) but it’s something I love about her.

Katie Stevens opens her intro with her “fans” cheering for her, and I’m just so put off right away. I’m honestly not sure whether my instinctive dislike of Katie is based on any action of her own or the fact that she’s being pushed on me so hard, so I’m trying to keep an open mind for her performance.

And then she sings “Feeling Good” which Idol attributes to Michael Buble, and just no. Even if this was a good choice generally (which it is not, it is overdone and old fashioned in a week when you’re not constrained to that), but Adam Lambert absolutely killed this song last year and she had to know she was going to be compared to that, if not by the judges then by the fans. I don’t think any song is absolutely untouchable, but that was so the wrong choice, especially when she was only adequate on it.

The judges all agree that it was too old for her, Simon going so far as to say it felt like she was playing dressup. They also agree that her voice was going sharp on it. All in all, a very lukewarm response from the judges, especially for someone in the pimp spot.

So, based on these performances, I’d say the bottom three will probably be Lacey Brown, Ashley Rodriguez and Paige Miles.